Hate

Another unforgettable night, a very serious fight with A. The root cause still unknown, so many things to think about. He hated me that much that he was able to vent out almost all his ill-feelings towards me.. It was indeed very painful that I had no choice but to bear it.

Maybe it's my fault.. I failed to comfort and reassure him that everything will be alright.. That even if we did not find a very suitable attire for him this coming saturday's swimming, there's still ample time to look for one.. I didn't mean to.. I know he is in a bad shape and I'm just waiting for the right time that everything will suffice that we could already talk about it.. I was again misinterpreted.. My point is of all the things said and done, concerns and sacrifices made, he still thinks that I do not care. I'm wondering why.. I can't seem to comprehend. He said my pride is that much to make him feel indifference. The truth is I just don't know how to start or how to approach him when he feels a bit ok and when all the blame won't be put to me. I actually did my best in figuring out the best he can wear. I hope he remembers that I only wish the best for him but it feels sad that of all the persons I know, he is the only person who regards me as someone very annoying, very indifferent..very despicable..

I cannot understand why he always think that I am rejoicing knowing that he is unhappy. Is he of this kind that's why he thinks of other people this way.. Can't he just be happy for other people being unselfish first about his sorrows.. He definitely has a lot, blessings in abundance. Where's all the hate coming from? I actually don't know what to think of now.

It's unfair on my part that I'm being misconstrued about someone that he thinks I am when I'm silent. God knows my real intentions and none of them is cruel. But perhaps, it lies in the fact that I cannot express my thoughts and feelings well enough to be understood.. It's really about time that I make concrete plans of doing that.

Well, the bottomline is I am not the one who was hurt first. That basically somebody felt bad because of me knowing that it is Sunday, a day for Him and a day for his dad. My sincerest apologies for all the things I failed to do. I should really know better from the very beginning.

I hope that we can surpass this. I don't think that this trial is enough reason to call it off. If love is enough, then we can find in our hearts to forgive and always give each other a chance to improve, an opportunity to change. I fervently pray that this soon shall pass, that we could talk about this and move on.

" Love is oftentimes too much to handle, sometimes really way beyond us. But that's the magic and spice of it, that we go out to our shells basically challenging ourselves to discover and learn not only with what we experience but also with how other people feels".

With this I rest my case, it's still my fault. I am really sorry..