This is the day that i die or wish i could be half one at least. Pain is so much excruciating I can't seem to bear at first. I finally knew where I should stand in this game.. I don't have any complaints. Things are just really that. Life is a box of chocolate, you don't know what you're gonna get.. At least I know almost everything now. I accept that. It may not be that abruptly but I'll try making it faster than expected. My love for you is much more than any heartache I feel inside.. I'm so thankful that you enjoyed my company and as for me, I'll treasure the friendship forever.. Wish to see you in a better light next time..
I hope that being ok now would mean being fine later or even the following days. It cant be helped that there will always be something that would remind me of you because there are really things that can't be changed, company we belong into and friends around us that we share laughter with.
Again, thank you for all the lessons learned and hopefully for the maturity it will contribute to my personality.
Hoping not to be cynical with love.. Praying for the right person to come..
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Roller Coaster ride on falling in love head over heels
It's better to love and fail than to never love at all. Another rationalization convincing myself that everything that is happening right this time is with a purpose and to be savoured, for this kind of experience may not happen again in my life. Yeah, it's quite ironic and pathetic that I seldom fall in love, very much wholeheartedly that is, without any restrictions or boundaries as to what I can offer.. This kind of feeling actually overshadows my logic and reason, that I am becoming much of a slave by my emotions.. I am really sorry for myself that I have indulged it to this kind of complication because the fact that the person is already tied up to a present relationship should mean me backing down my dream of becoming the legal one. It could be just simply cutting the emotions out and then moving on, but for me things are much complicated than that.
I admired him the moment I saw his pictures. Admiration continued for almost a year before finally meeting him the first time on the 29th of November.. He's really a drop dead georgeous and I think anybody can be attracted by his simple moves of sweetness, care and appreciation. That was the day I discovered that I was caught up on this game of love.. I was glad that we had quite a connection, conversing about anything under the sun and finishing out each other's sentences.. We had fun that night hoping the night would never end.. I felt loved..
But the truth remains that we can never be, maybe not right this time.. The dilemma is where should I be standing amidst all these. I found myself brainstorming on what course of actions to be taken, options to be considered and feelings to be felt.. I thought of just letting go of it since I think he won't choose me over his current. That would mean total lost of communication pretending that he doesn't exist and I never met him in my lifetime.. some sort of selective amnesia, right. hehe.. Well I have chosen the second option I pondered on. The decision to stay with this kind of feeling, enjoying every moment of it, hoping for better things to come.. He'll have my heart so long as he desires and appreciates. I will always be here for my dear bro and would not make anything reckless. One good thing it makes me is that at least I have a goal in life trying to be the best that I can be so that I can also be the best for him.. I really cannot fall down right this time and I should know how to take care of myself more so that I can take care of him when he needs me.. I will always be a home he can go home to anytime.. I want to prove to him that life with me is life nearly perfect..
Yup, I know that there are still other realities surrounding this kind of scenario. Everybody has each own opinion about these. But for me, there is really no exact formula of what true love is.. I am just but a lover, so much in love with a person, blinded by my feelings for him. But i need not worry so much. Behind this very vulnerable me lies a stronger, free spirited person who doesn't beg for love. Just trying to play my cards just well. thanks..
I admired him the moment I saw his pictures. Admiration continued for almost a year before finally meeting him the first time on the 29th of November.. He's really a drop dead georgeous and I think anybody can be attracted by his simple moves of sweetness, care and appreciation. That was the day I discovered that I was caught up on this game of love.. I was glad that we had quite a connection, conversing about anything under the sun and finishing out each other's sentences.. We had fun that night hoping the night would never end.. I felt loved..
But the truth remains that we can never be, maybe not right this time.. The dilemma is where should I be standing amidst all these. I found myself brainstorming on what course of actions to be taken, options to be considered and feelings to be felt.. I thought of just letting go of it since I think he won't choose me over his current. That would mean total lost of communication pretending that he doesn't exist and I never met him in my lifetime.. some sort of selective amnesia, right. hehe.. Well I have chosen the second option I pondered on. The decision to stay with this kind of feeling, enjoying every moment of it, hoping for better things to come.. He'll have my heart so long as he desires and appreciates. I will always be here for my dear bro and would not make anything reckless. One good thing it makes me is that at least I have a goal in life trying to be the best that I can be so that I can also be the best for him.. I really cannot fall down right this time and I should know how to take care of myself more so that I can take care of him when he needs me.. I will always be a home he can go home to anytime.. I want to prove to him that life with me is life nearly perfect..
Yup, I know that there are still other realities surrounding this kind of scenario. Everybody has each own opinion about these. But for me, there is really no exact formula of what true love is.. I am just but a lover, so much in love with a person, blinded by my feelings for him. But i need not worry so much. Behind this very vulnerable me lies a stronger, free spirited person who doesn't beg for love. Just trying to play my cards just well. thanks..
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